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Are the Coaches and Managers of the MLB Anti-Canadian Bigots? Short Answer, Of Course They Are


Former Prime Minister of Canada Pierre Trudeau once said that “living next to you [The US] is like sleeping next to an elephant.” He was right, and the Elephant is a rabid Maple Syrup hating, Miracle on Ice watching bigot. Once again those overhyped, overpaid bullpen addicted MLB Coaches and Managers snubbed Canadian superstar first baseman, and hitting White Wizard Joey Votto from his first Silver Slugger Award. Instead, the Diamondbacked Serpent Paul Goldschmidt was awarded his 3rd award, which joins his patinaed collection from 2013 and 2015. Let’s forget the numbers for a second, I’ll get to them later. The real question is, is this the biggest act of aggression by the United States towards Canada since the American-Canadian war of 1999? (Never Forget)

Images from the American-Canadian war of 1999. 8 million people lost their lives in the War.

Now let’s delve into the stats. According to a release from Louisville Slugger, Silver Slugger award,

“selections are based on a combination of offensive statistics, including batting average, on-base percentage and slugging percentage, as well as the managers’ and coaches’ general impressions of a player’s overall offensive value.”  

 Votto beats Goldy in all aforementioned OBJECTIVE categories.

Goldschmidt top row, Votto bottom.

This is like saying in order to win the Grade 3 spelling bee you must spell all the words correctly, and then give the award to the kid who passionately traced the word into his name tag, yet still forgot the ‘g’ in PHLEGM.

Now onto the subjective “impressions of a player’s overall offensive value”, they are tied with 36 HR each, and Votto tops Goldy on Offensive WAR (oWAR) 6.4 to 4.8, according to Goldy does edge Votto on RBIs 120-100 which is easily explained when looking at each team’s rosters. The real offensive VALUE comes when you look at Votto’s inhuman ability to never hit an infield pop up. In 2017 his IFFB% (Infield Fly Ball Percentage) was 0.5% which would be insane if he didn’t have an IFFB% of 0.0% in 2016. Votto not hitting an Infield pop up is a safer bet than Louis CK inviting you to a party in his pants.

If you look at each player’s ability to get on base and putting the ball in play, (you know that old-fashioned thing called hitting the ball and not striking out) Votto dominates Goldschmidt with a BB/K ratio of 1.61 vs 0.64.

We all know that statistics had nothing to do with Goldy’s victory this year. An objective observer of the relevant hitting stats will see that Votto was the superior offensive juggernaut this season. Maybe if the Coaches and Managers watched this video they would’ve had a different opinion.

Now that’s a Silver Slugger worthy tongue lashing if I’ve ever seen one.

UPDATE: Votto is the runner-up to Giancarlo “don’t call me Mike” Stanton for the NL MVP Award. With BBWA writers scoring Stanton 302 to Votto’s 300, it is the 4th closest score in MLB history. I guess as the saying goes “chicks dig the longball” applies to the writers too. Also, Fuck Scott Miller of Bleacher report and Bob Nightingale of USA today for placing Votto 5th. Bigots.


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