Crazy footage coming out of the Hermit Kingdom. A daring defection was caught on tape earlier this month showing a North Korean Vin Diesel, Fast and the Furious 9: Pyongyang Drift himself to the Demilitarized Zone between the North and South. He crashes into a ditch, pops out and makes a break for it, as the North Korean quick reaction force storms onto the scene and opens fire. One soldier strays past the border line and quickly has an existential dilemma, rethinks his life choices, and turns back.
The South Koreans are literally meters away watching this thing unfold, and if a North Korean soldier passes the line they will be met with lead to the dome. Eventually, under the cover of darkness, South Korean commandos crawl to the injured defector and pull him to safety.
It’s recently been reported that the North Korean defector has made a full recovery, and is getting his first taste of freedom by watching his first movies not produced and directed by former Supreme Leader Kim Jong Il, Transformers and Bruce Almighty. B-E-A-UTIFUL! Also, another shock, it turns out that the life in the North Korean military is not what it was advertised to be. His conditions were so poor that he had dozens of parasites, including a stapler sized roundworm in his small intestine. I guess all the pigeon soup and dog hamburgers are actually bad for you.
I’m sure Rocket Man is pissed.
North Korean Response: We are totally not going to strap the entire Reaction Force unit to a pole and fire Anti-Aircraft guns at them. Donald Trump is fat and old, and Kim Jong Un invented the Hamburger.